Finally, the bus reaches my stop, I snake around through everyone's legs and backpacks and shit and get off the bus without a word - my headphones are on, such a great way to keep people from trying to make conversation with you when you don't want them to, even the old guy we have a bus driver picks up on that. The asphalt of the driveway is dark and dull, it clouded over a little before class let out, and now everything's lost its color and is all grey and drab. Even Dad's gardens look a little tired. I don't really mind though, I'm too tired myself for sunlight and things right now, by the end of the school day I'm always pretty drained... though lately, I've felt more tired than I ever remember being. I don't know. Maybe it's just all the essays we've gotten for English this year, or getting so angry at my math homework. I pull the house keys from my pocket, pull open the screen door, flip aside all the random keychains (most of which are old halves of "best friends" hearts and things) and grind the key into the lock, turning the knob and shoving the heavy wood door inwards. Out of the corner of my eye I see the vine wreath covered in brightly colored fake leaves bounce quite a bit with the sudden movement of the door, but I take only enough notice of it to see if it falls or not, and I'm inside and throw the door shut. "I'm hooooome!" I call out to the empty house, pleasantly creeped-out as always to hear the slight echo coming back to me. I push off my shoes, and let my backpack fall onto the floor while I hang up my coat in the front closet. I head into the kitchen to get a bottle of green tea from the fridge, and a small bag of pretzels from the cupboard, then flop down on the couch in the living room and turn on the tv. Flip channels until I find a rerun of "Friends" to leave on, and watch idly for a few minutes before going back to get my backpack. I run upstairs to plug in my cellphone and let it recharge, then finish my snack in front of the tv, sorting through the books in my bag to see what all I have to do tonight. Then I grab the remote, and flip around awhile, just zoning out awhile...
When Mom comes home at 4:30, I'm upstairs in my room, in front of my computer. She calls up to say hello, I say hi back, and resume my chat with Kimmy.
xXo kimmyz oXx: u there?
racheycakes: yeah mom just got home
xXo kimmyz oXx: k
xXo kimmyz oXx: u ask if u can go fri nite? ;-)
racheycakes: oh yea
racheycakes: ill go ask brb
...I pause a moment, not touching my keyboard, and not getting up. She wants me to go with her to this party some senior's having, this guy she knows and says she went out with one time. I've seen him around, and... I'm not impressed. He's always hanging out with younger girls, and Carrie told me she saw him making out with a seventh
grader. That's sick. Anyway, I've seen Kimmy drunk before, and it's really not fun, she flings herself all over everyone and it's ridiculous. Part of me wants to go, just so someone's there to keep an eye on her, but I'd be so bored. I don't want to get really drunk, I'd rather remember what happened, and beer tastes nasty anyway. Everyone just starts making out with random people and doing really dumb shit, and they all think it's hilarious because they're fucking blitzed, or they're trying to make a good impression so they laugh anyway, but it just gets so dumb.
racheycakes: sry but i cant :(
racheycakes: we have to go shopping 4 grandmas bday or sum shit early sat
racheycakes: a "family day" y'know?
racheycakes: and i have to watch chris fri nite, they have one of those business get-togethers at the bar or something
racheycakes: wish they told me this shit earlier, wtf &grt;:(
xXo kimmyz oXx: oh wtf thats retarded
xXo kimmyz oXx: y didnt they tell u? :(
racheycakes: idk its dumb
xXo kimmyz oXx: yea
racheycakes: we still going 2 the mall sun tho? mom said she'll give me some money for a new jacket :-D
xXo kimmyz oXx: yea! :-D
xXo kimmyz oXx: care and cheryl r coming 2
xXo kimmyz oXx: and tara of course
xXo kimmyz oXx: aaaaaaand...
xXo kimmyz oXx: and someone else said they might b coming ;-)
racheycakes: oh rly?
xXo kimmyz oXx: mmhmm ;-)
racheycakes: tell me already lol
xXo kimmyz oXx: lol
xXo kimmyz oXx: craig said he MIGHT meet us there
xXo kimmyz oXx: at the food court at like 3
racheycakes: aww :-*
xXo kimmyz oXx: lol
xXo kimmyz oXx: i wish
racheycakes: yea rly
...I hate it when one of the guys shows up, the rest of us have to start watching what we say, and there's never much to talk to them about anyway, unless there's flirting going on. And I'm really not interested in Craig, and anyway Kimmy pretty much hogs him, and tries way
too hard with him the whole time, she really like throws herself at him sometimes, it's kinda sad. I don't know. I know she really likes him and all, but... is he really worth this
xXo kimmyz oXx: gtg cell ringing i think its a boy :-D :-*
racheycakes: lol ttyl
xXo kimmyz oXx: bye hun
The rest of the afternoon, I put off doing my homework, and chat a bit with Cheryl and Sam, catching up on things, since the only class I have with them is lunch every other day. And Brian messages me with a shitload of kissy-faces, and tried to flirt with me, but I shut him down pretty well, it was funny. Finally Mom calls me down for dinner, which is the usual meal-in-a-box and idle exchanges about everyone's day, then I head back to my room to do my homework. I start some music playing on my computer, and sprawl out on my bed with my notebooks and text books. While I'm trying to think of a way to start my essay for English, I see a message pop up on my computer - and I'm only too happy to have a distraction. Sliding into the chair at my desk, my fingers near the keys, about to tell whoever it is thanks for the interupption---
It's a screenname I don't recognize. fyreflies? Who on Earth is that
? That doesn't sound like anyone I know... and all they've said is "hi" so far. I check their profile to see if there's any clue...and it takes me a minute to read, the text is tiny, and white on a grey background:
. i am moved by fancies that are curled
. around these images, and cling:
. the notion of some infinitely gentle
. infinitely suffering thing.
, t.s. eliot :.
...I have no idea, but that sounds pretty emo. Or.. not really, it's too pretty for someone emo, it's sad and beautiful rather than all angsty-emotional. I can't think of anyone who'd have something like that as their profile, there's no link to their myspace or their cell number or anything.
I should say something back, it's been like a minute or two already.
fyreflies: you know you don't really have to hang out with people as mindless as they are
fyreflies: something tells me you're better than that, you never sink to being as cruel to outsiders as they are
fyreflies: why on earth do you put up with such brainless, petty banality? What
? Who is
this? What the hell is going on here? And what the hell does that--- I pull up Google and punch in "banality definition". There, first link on the page, web definitions for banality: "the state of being commonplace; something without freshness or originality, insipid". Well, alright, I guess sometimes they are, but who the hell has the balls to just say something like that, about my
racheycakes: who the hell is this
racheycakes: dont talk about my friends like that
fyreflies: you know it's true, though.
racheycakes: theyre my friends! stop talking shit about them
racheycakes: who the fuck are u
fyreflies: they're the clique you've been attached to since kindergarten
fyreflies: that doesn't neccesarily make them your friends...
fyreflies: you should get away before you get hurt, they don't like people who aren't like them
fyreflies signed off at 8:42:17
racheycakes: WTF STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT THEM!
Autoresponse from system: User fyreflies is not currently available.
It's all I can do to not scream out load in frustration - but Dad doesn't like us swearing (though of course he
can), I'd get yelled at, and I really don't need that right now. But what the fuck
?! Who the hell was that, and where the hell do they get off telling me shit like that, what the fuck! That really pisses me off, when I find out who the fuck that was, they are in some seriously deep shit, what the hell. No one talks shit about us like that, that's so mean, and so not---
Alright, it's a little true. Some of the girls are pretty horrible to some of the, uh, less than popular kids. Like Jason, and that one girl that moved away last yeah, I can't even remember her name... but it's not like they're bad people, what the hell! Who does that, messaging someone and talking shit about their friends and then just disappearing. Fucking asshole, what the hell.
It's still bugging me two hours later when I'm getting ready for bed, though I'd managed to put it out of my mind for awhile in between.